What do you love?

What do you love?

Two steps toward leadership mastery.

This morning, as I was driving home from the eye doctor – grateful for their ability to help me have clear vision – I thought, “I love seeing the leaves on the trees.”

During my mental proclamation, my heart opened, and I realized – once again – that love comes in many forms.

Here is a little background. When I was eight, my Mom took me to the eye doctor for the first time because I was having trouble seeing the board at school. Turns out, I needed glasses. When I received the glasses and we stepped outside, I said, “Mommy, there are leaves on the trees!” She felt terrible for all those years that she had not noticed I couldn’t see. I felt amazing because suddenly I could see the world in a whole new way.

It seems for me, the eye doctor is a portal to heart opening. I am grateful everyday I put my glasses on and the world comes into high relief!

If you have never felt your heart open, or don’t know what I am talking about, or it seems like new-age bull$&#! – let me tell you, you are missing out!

Heart opening has the power to help us see the world in a whole new way.

An open heart feels almost painful for me. I feel tension over my chest – as if my heart were expanding and moving forward. Tears come easy when I have an open heart. Sometimes it feels painful to swallow. I can FEEL my chest in a whole new way.

Our ability to feel our heart open is all tied up in our brain, body, and emotions. When we can choose to open our heart, we have a secret power.

The secret power is the connection to our humanity – a deep empathy for all other beings through the ability to remove the armor around our heart.

Heart armoring happens. Our body, brain, and emotions work together to protect us from harm – emotional, physical, or psychological pain. When our heart is armored, it is hard for us to feel love and the humanity of other people.

To a degree, we have all armored our hearts. It is implicitly required to operate in the world. Yet, it is not mandatory.

Sometimes you may have felt your heart open unexpectedly when you see a commercial that is a “tearjerker” or a movie that stirs you or even something more personal.

Heart opening happens. The choice to open your heart is the key here. Do you know how? Once you know, you are no longer missing out.

Here are two steps toward an open heart:

  1. Gratitude. Be grateful. It is an awesome way to open your heart. Offer someone in your life heart-felt gratitude for the gifts they bring to your world. Even if it’s the post person. People impact you. Can you let them in through gratitude? If you can’t, let’s talk.
  2. Awareness. Get clear about what your chest area feels like in this moment. Now, try to soften it. Use your breath. Try taking seven deep breaths using no muscles. Simply inhale – this is a very difficult practice for most. Notice what muscles you use to breathe. The only muscle we need to use to breathe is the diaphragm – a thin, circular muscle that horizontally spans the base of your rib cage from front to back and side to side. Most people use their neck, shoulders, chest, and back muscles. This is part of how you armor. Notice it. Be grateful for the ways these muscles have protected your heart and offer them a break.

When we take time to learn the unique way our heart opens and can choose to open our hearts, we have a secret power. Practice opening your heart. You will be amazed at the results.

Being a great leader comes through choice. Being able to choose to open our heart is leadership mastery.

 

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Being a Professional is about Presence

The other day I was listening in on a call between my client and her teacher. This teacher was my teacher too a half decade ago. I was asked to be there by my client as another ear. In the event of an interpersonal gap, I would translate what each of them said in a language they could both understand.

There were times in the conversation when one or the other was talking where I became confused. My job is to use myself as a diagnostic tool within a system. When I feel confused, I check in with myself. Did I disassociate? Is this triggering an emotion or a memory in me? Am I feeling centered and connected to my role and my purpose? Am I still confused?

There were times when I was truly confused about their points. I would then actively listen by asking clarifying questions. Draw attention to the purpose of the call. Paraphrase what one said and ask if I got that right. Helping them deepen and clarify what it was they were trying to say.

At the end of the call, we evolved the issue, finding resolution in parts and creating a deeper understanding in others.

A few days later, I received an email from my teacher. He said that I was “very professional” on the call. I was “open-hearted, direct, and helped create openings” for the client.

I was pleased with the feedback, that was my experience as well. What struck me was the word professional.

Being a professional means many things. Wikipedia says a professional is someone with standards of education and training that prepare them for a particular activity which requires a specific set of knowledge and skills necessary to perform their role.

I define professional as someone who knows themselves – where they are going and how to get there. Can generate genuine curiosity for the path of others, where they learn about themselves or their profession through the process of relationship. And who have the ability to see the larger context at play in any situation.

On paper, I have been a professional for a long time. I learned knowledge and skills to apply to a particular activity. Yet, to be very good at my job, I had to BE-come a professional with my presence.

As a leadership coach and organizational development consultant, I help systems move toward health. Whether an internal system within an individual or a larger system of a family or organization.

All of these systems want to live in harmony with the world around it, like an untouched eco-system. Problem is sometimes even an untouched eco-system gets input from the world that a change needs to take place. Change is not usually something we enter into voluntarily, as most change creates chaos.  Because of this, we shy away. What helps is when there is someone to hold the chaos. That is my job. I am a professional chaos holder.

Holding chaos is a learned experience. Yet there are some skills, knowledge, and mindsets that make holding the chaos easier. I teach these.

We begin with an inquiry into self. Through this inquiry we find our place. Where we are starting from and where we want to go. From there we learn how to read the signals of the path and intervene with genuine curiosity. Then, we learn how to hold those view points and move toward our hoped for result.

Through these practices, we can voluntarily enter into a conversation with a system. We can take calculated risks to shift the holding pattern it is stuck in. This holding pattern can be within an individuals body or a larger system. Shifting this holding pattern allows the system to see and feel itself differently. This creates an opening to change that allows the system to move toward health.

Come learn how to BE a professional in any profession by understanding and using your presence. Invite perspective.

Meditation

Understanding the Body and the Mind

Objective:

  • Practice focusing the attention and observing the mind and the body.

Goal:

  • To have the power to choose where and on what we place our attention by observing and understanding the sensations of the body and their impact on the mind.
  • To understand the self – our foundational thought and sensation patterns – and our triggers more intimately to be in choice over what we respond to and how we respond.
  • Ultimately, to expand our capacity and awareness of the self, others, and the world around us.

Timeline:

  • Between 5 and 20 minutes.

Tasks:

  • Observe the breath by focusing attention on the rising and falling of the chest or belly, or the more advanced version of noticing the sensation of the in and out breath on the place below the nostrils and above the upper lip.

Instructions:

  • Find a comfortable place to sit where you can keep your back straight and relaxed.
  • A quite environment is preferable.
    • Many choose to meditate in the early morning before others have woken and begin to stir or at night for the same reasons.
    • Your car or your office can also work well.
  • Close your eyes.
    • This will help manage your attention from getting distracted by external stimuli.
    • It will help you focus on observing how distracting your internal world can be.
  • Notice what muscles you contract while breathing. Relax them. Notice when they become engaged. Again, relax them. You are moving toward effortless breathing.
  • You will notice your mind is “busy”. The goal is observation of the mind, not cessation of thought.
    • This is our brain at work. This is its job. You are to notice how you think, how your mind works.
    • You are to remain unattached to the thoughts. You are NOT to follow them. You will come up with some compelling and amazing ideas. DO NOT FOLLOW THEM. They will come back to you.
    • When you notice that you are thinking, label it by saying “Thinking.” Be gentle with yourself. And return to observing the sensation of the breath.
  • Stay in the practice for the entire time of your commitment.
  • If strong and overwhelming emotions arise and are destabilizing or hard to come back from, contact me or a trauma trained therapist.